When your edge is to ‘Not’

At this point the easy thing would be to go to grad school, get another job, plan a trip, or sign up to volunteer. Perhaps even to start another business.

But that is the old me, the one who couldn’t help but see the potential in actions taken.

I’ve gotten all that I can from that pattern of business and hustle. Sure there is a time to work hard, but the idea of hustle is to work hard without a purpose. To fill time with doing rather than being or… even harder - Not Doing.

I felt the urge. I went through a phase of researching masters programs and seeing the deadline for my top choice was less than a month away had to step back and consider - I had been here before, cramming for deadlines that were fast approaching.

The pattern was clear to me this time. What if I thought about it for a year? Really thought about what I wanted to invest my time, money, and energy into in the next couple years, the outcome I wanted and the return on that investment that I was looking for.

Step back, feel into what the opposite of impulsive decisions and hustling feel like.

It feels like actively not doing what we are drawn to. Being intentional about not filling the time to make it go by faster. Sitting quietly and feeling into the space, the softness, the silence. Going for a slow walk with no destination.

It became slightly easier when I realized this is my growth edge at this time. My edge is to not. To do less with purpose, to leave space, to breath deeply into the spot in my core that is often clenched with uncertainty. To look to the uncertain future and smile, knowing it will all work out as it has for so many years already. To get curious, playful, embrace awe and wonder. How did I get to this wonderful place? How magnificent is it to hold the space that nothing has to be done today, to not make a to-do list just for the sake of having something to do. Play my edge, be very particular about what I do and feel into the discomfort of not doing.

What is your edge?